Alan Partridge discusses his views on automobiles, Canadians, and traditional Sunday meals, revealing that he is largely adhering to a vegan diet.

If the call came, would you be the next James Bond? Bigbadsean

This scenario is unlikely to occur as there is a specific pattern for selecting the actor to play 007. The process involves choosing an actor from a smaller UK nation, followed by a non-British Commonwealth country, and then an Englishman. This pattern is then repeated. For example, Sean Connery from Scotland was chosen as the first 007, followed by George Lazenby from Australia, and then Roger Moore from England. Once this sequence is completed, the process begins again with an actor from a smaller UK nation (Timothy Dalton from Wales), a non-British actor (Pierce Brosnan from Ireland), and an Englishman (Daniel Craig from England).

Unfortunately, I am not eligible to play the role of Bond. The current contenders are James Nesbitt (from Northern Ireland), Ryan Gosling (from Canada), and an Englishman. Assuming Nesbitt and Gosling each star in three movies (one every three years), the soonest I could potentially take on the role would be in 2041, at the age of 80. This is most likely too old to be considered. Although I have some ideas on how the character could be adjusted to accommodate their physical limitations, I doubt I would be chosen for the role. Considering all of this, it is highly unlikely that I will ever become Bond.

I’m a vegan. What would it take to convince you to become vegan, too? elykwh

I am currently following a mostly vegan diet, and I have to admit it hasn’t been very difficult. For example, my last Sunday meal consisted of potatoes, carrots, parsnips, broccoli, cauliflower, and beef. So, the majority of my meal was vegan-friendly. The same goes for Nando’s – the chips, macho peas, and corn on the cob are all vegan options. There isn’t a single thing on the plate that comes from an animal. Take a closer look – it’s still all vegan. With minimal effort, you can find vegan options in most places and make a positive impact on your health and the planet. So, why not make the switch to a mostly vegan diet today?

Which song do you want to be played at your funeral and who would you like to sing? – ambandib2005

There is a street performer who plays at St Stephen’s underpass in Norwich. Some people claim he lives with his mother and pretends to be homeless in order to gain pity and make money from the public. I’m not entirely sure, as he appears to be genuinely homeless to me. But his performance! His voice is like rich honey, his speaking style reminiscent of Kenneth Williams, and his set list includes songs from Snow Patrol, Stereophonics, and a slightly-too-high Goo Goo Doll encore. He is the most talented singer I have ever heard (so far). And since I have chosen to be cremated and the singer will be positioned near the furnace doors, he will be able to enjoy the warmth while singing. Even in death, I will be able to contribute to those in need. (Song: Pipes of Peace.)

Alan Partridge and Jennie Gresham (Susannah Fielding) in This Time With Alan Partridge

Who would you choose as your perfect dance partner on Strictly Come Dancing? mesm

After careful consideration, I have come to the conclusion that I would choose one of the women.

What were the greatest life lessons you learned from your parents? Abadabs

I was taught by my dad the technique of toughening conkers by soaking them in vinegar and baking them at 140C/gas mark 1 for two hours. My mom also instilled in me the lesson of never passing by a broken-down vehicle without offering assistance, regardless of how desperate they may seem. This is because it could potentially be a ploy by thieves to lure in unsuspecting victims.

Are you feeling discouraged about finding true love? Baffledbylife.

I find it amusing when people make that statement. I experience genuine love each day: the love of witnessing a flower blooming, the sound of a bird singing, the aroma of freshly baked bread, or the playfulness of a young lamb. I take joy in the first dew of spring and the last leaves of autumn. My heart soars when I think I have to reverse out of a parking space, but then realize there is an empty space in front, allowing me to easily drive forward. As you can see, my life is filled with true love every moment. And just so you know, I am also in a fulfilling relationship with a woman. But, as I mentioned, it’s quite comical.

What other realms remain for you to conquer? CarrAgger

I am becoming more interested in the realm of extended documentary film. What would mine focus on? It would undoubtedly be the ultimate account of the Vietnam War. Once that project is complete – which would take approximately eight to 10 weeks – I may then consider directing a traditional film. The potential of animation fascinates me. There is a grace and artistry in animation that is challenging for live-action to replicate. Furthermore, if I have a concept for a scene where a character’s head must rotate 350 degrees (which I do), animation offers a simpler solution.

If you weren’t available, who would you choose to anchor the next election night at the BBC? WyzacH

Next, we will address the question posed by Matt Baker.

What has been your most rewarding spiritual experience? Aaaaaal

I was viewing the opening ceremony of the London Olympics in 2012 with a Welsh woman I had unintentionally started dating. She inquired about having Doritos, possibly due to hunger or a desire to loudly crunch during the commentary. I quickly went to the garage and purchased a bag, but did not buy salsa as I already had some in my cupboard. Upon returning home, I realized the salsa had expired in 2010, but we still consumed it since best-before dates are not trustworthy. It was not until after we finished that I noticed the expiration date was actually from 2001.

The initial symptoms were stomach cramps, followed by intense nausea and frequent vomiting. For six hours, we were plagued by this cycle of discomfort and fleeting moments of relief, surrounded by the scent of wet wipes. It was almost like a surreal, out-of-body encounter. We found ourselves embracing and laughing, divulging our deepest thoughts, lost in delusions and repeatedly getting sick. By the time morning arrived, the effects had subsided. I arranged for a cab to take her home and sent my assistant a concise message: “Hire a cleaner immediately.”

My life can be divided into two distinct periods, pre and post-sickness, which I refer to as the two “Alans.” This division was marked by my experience of being ill while watching the 2012 London Olympics opening ceremony.

As an exceptional individual who possesses quick thinking abilities and the ability to speak fluently on a microphone, wouldn’t it be fitting for us to hear you provide commentary on a Cup Final? thedribbler2

This is a valid inquiry and although the words “Cup” and “Final” were capitalized without explanation, I am willing to provide an answer. The only soccer finals I would be willing to commentate on are for the women’s game. I may receive criticism for this, but I truly believe that women and girls are the future of the sport. It may not be considered trendy or well-liked to say, but it is my personal belief.

As someone who is knowledgeable about the advantages of introspection and ongoing growth, what are your top three moments of disappointment and what lessons did you take away from them? MarkAP
Laughed at wife when face swelled up after bee sting(s); kicked pig; wasn’t great dad. Don’t believe in looking back, so haven’t learned from them.

A 2002 Range Rover

From the Rover Vitesse fastback to the Vauxhall Insignia, you have owned some of the truly great modern automobiles. Which has been your favourite car over the years? cy7000

A thought-provoking inquiry, and the response may be unexpected. I could readily list the luxurious cars I have operated in the past: a 2022 Range Rover Velar, 2021 Range Rover Vogue SE, and a Range Rover Sport 4.4 V8 petrol. However, long before that, as a younger individual in a simpler era, I fondly recall driving around Norfolk in a modest little vehicle. It may not have been the most extravagant or pricey, but it possessed character, which holds more significance to me. I shed tears when I had to part with it. It was a 2002 Range Rover HSE+.

What do you think about the increasing popularity of electric vehicles? CosmoLang

As the designated car ambassador for Norfolk, it is my responsibility – and honor – to encourage car ownership and usage throughout the county. Therefore, I do not have a preference for fuel type as long as we are using our vehicles. Keep in mind that Norfolk is a large, flat county with limited public transportation options per capita compared to the rest of the UK. While I may have fabricated that statistic, cars will remain crucial to our success and essential for commuting to work or our local sports clubs.

Am I defending or supporting the oil and gas industry? Absolutely not. Let’s not forget that in the 1990s, I was among the first public figures to openly promote the use of catalytic converters, not just because I enjoyed saying the words. While I cannot delve into the debate on whether climate change is real, I will point out that cars are often vilified while other sources of greenhouse gas emissions are overlooked. A prime example? Cows.

Although I appreciate the increase in popularity of electric vehicles, I do not view it as the sole option. With advancements in technology allowing for smaller and more compact nuclear reactors, it would be unwise to dismiss the possibility of a nuclear-powered hatchback.