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Perched on the edge of a luxuriously cushioned booth at a restaurant in central London, Allie X, donning a crushed black velvet dress and round glasses that give her a resemblance to Wednesday Addams’s older sister, is cheerfully using the C-word. Her newest release, the whimsical, 80s-influenced song “Off With Her Tits,” has finally debuted on streaming platforms after days of teasing, and she cannot contain her wild excitement.
“I am feeling quite confident and boastful about it, saying something like, ‘This is the best song I have ever written,” she chuckles, after earlier describing the song as “excelling in all aspects, according to the Rectal Scale.” However, it is not the word ‘cocky’ that has caught the attention of our fellow diners, but rather the one that is probably on your mind. It is a term that her mostly homosexual and very internet-based fanbase often uses to describe her. “It’s amusing because I used to take offense to the word ‘cocky,’ but the gay and female fans have reclaimed it,” she explains. “If I ever hear a straight man say it, I still find it highly offensive.”
Many of her peers in the world of alternative pop, including Charli XCX, Rina Sawayama, and Caroline Polachek, have a similar relationship with their fans, and 38-year-old Canadian artist Allie X is no exception. While she has been supported by big names like Katy Perry and has co-written songs for Troye Sivan and BTS, her fans still feel she is not receiving the recognition she deserves, and they make sure to remind her of this on a daily basis through social media. One track on her third album, Girl With No Face, called You Slept on Me, tackles this issue with playful lyrics that also showcase her more ambitious side: “I’m an icon honey / This isn’t a chore / And I need to make money / So give me yours.” The song showcases huge, uplifting melodies reminiscent of New Order, The Cure, and Kraftwerk.
Is she feeling undervalued? She states, “I would prefer to be underestimated than overestimated. I enjoy being recognized and appreciated in certain settings, but being completely unknown in others.” She believes that it is not just fan culture, but also internet culture in general that has become overwhelming with its constant demands on female artists in the realm of pop music. She admits that she is still trying to find a balance between putting herself out there and protecting herself, as most artists are very sensitive. This is why she enjoys interacting with gay pop fans and discussing the culture and trivial Twitter drama. She pauses and questions, “Do we still refer to it as Twitter or is it now called X?” Another pause… “Sorry, I meant suing!”
Hughes explains that the X in Allie X stands for the “unknown variable” and serves as a means of embracing anonymity. The desire to simultaneously be seen and remain mysterious has been a constant theme throughout her career, evident in early photographs where she hides behind her dark hair or is partially covered by oversized headgear. Growing up in Ontario, Hughes struggled with fluctuating between being outgoing and filled with fear. She recalls feeling like an outcast in school, with boys bullying her and girls ignoring her. However, one day she took part in the school musical production of Guys & Dolls and landed a small role in the chorus. While rehearsing for the show, she also coincidentally performed in the school’s talent show. This sparked a fantasy in Hughes’s mind of winning over her peers with a performance of Céline Dion’s “All By Myself” and securing the lead in the musical. She put her plan into motion and achieved her goal.
“I stood up and performed the song in front of the entire school, including the dramatic finale where the singer exclaims, ‘All by myself, anymooooooore’,” she recalls with wide eyes. “As I continued singing, the entire room gave me a standing ovation, and I was then given the lead role! My dream came true. It left a lasting impact on me, solidifying my belief that this was my path in life.” Suddenly, everyone – even the bullies, mean girls, and those who were once indifferent – took notice of her. “The power of that moment was remarkable. It sparked a lifelong addiction – I discovered that I could make people love me.”
After attending various schools for art and musical theatre, she moved to Toronto in 2006 and became involved in the emerging rock scene shaped by bands like Broken Social Scene, Tokyo Police Club, and Born Ruffians. However, she soon transitioned away from indie music and formed an electro band called ALX in 2011. She then began working on her solo career and traveled to Los Angeles for songwriting sessions. The turning point came when Katy Perry shared her 2014 debut single, Catch, and praised its unique synth sound as her “spring jam.” “It was such a surreal experience,” Hughes recalls. “I was living in a tiny apartment in Toronto, completely removed from that world.” Her first album, CollXtion II, was released in 2017, and she also gained songwriting credits for BTS and Sivan, as well as collaborating with Mitski and renowned producer Oscar Görres.
The rate of progress has been hindered by ongoing sickness, which Hughes concealed from those outside her close circle of confidants until recently. She reveals, “I have officially been diagnosed with complex PTSD,” a type of post-traumatic stress disorder that includes added symptoms such as dissociation and self-hatred. “When you have a chronic illness, you experience periods of health and periods of being unable to function, which can make you feel like when you do feel good, you have to accomplish everything in that moment. It’s difficult for me to relax.”
Keeping such a heavy secret soon morphed into hiding behind various personas and trying to fit into pre-existing moulds. “When I arrived in LA I was 28, which is already old for a pop singer, and also I have this lifelong chronic illness that I didn’t want anyone to know about because it makes me a liability,” she says. “I had this weight of ‘I’m not attractive, I’m too old and I may get sick at any moment.’”
Crafting the piece “Girl With No Face,” which includes a symbolic shedding of layers, helped to change her perspective. She shares, “Now I hope to free myself from the pressure to be someone I’m not.” She desires to create a life where she can confidently express her true self. Although there is still an element of mystery, she is hesitant to explain the intentions behind her lyrics. She simply states that the song “Off With Her Tits,” a galloping tale of body horror, is a parody of her persistent, dark thoughts.
Changing pain into top-tier popular music is a responsibility she approaches with great dedication. “I’m quite indulgent,” she chuckles, eliciting more stares from our reserved neighbors. “I truly am.”
The book Girl With No Face is now available.
Source: theguardian.com
