F
Five weeks after delivering her baby, musician Lucy Rose had a burning inquiry for her fellow mothers in the NCT baby group. She asked, “Is anyone else experiencing intense back pain?” Unfortunately, none of the women could relate, but Rose convinced herself that the excruciating discomfort she was feeling was just a typical aspect of the challenging postpartum period.
A few days later, Rose was picking up her son Otis from his crib when she suddenly experienced a complete body collapse. Shortly after, she began experiencing spasms in her back and suspects that this is when the initial vertebrae was fractured.
She wouldn’t discover the truth about her situation for several months. During this time, she experienced intense physical discomfort and felt embarrassed and alone due to her inability to comfort her child when they cried. She visited a doctor multiple times, but they only X-rayed her chest and took blood samples, attributing the pain to psychological causes without examining her spine. When she asked for an MRI, the doctor dismissed her concerns.
Rose was desperate for assistance, stating that she was unable to push a pram, leave her home, or even spit out toothpaste. She informed the doctor that a physiotherapist she had consulted with believed she may have a fractured vertebra. The doctor dismissed this possibility, saying that if she did have a fracture, she would be in extreme pain and that there was no chance her back was broken.
I am currently in the presence of Rose, who is 34 years old and initially started her career as a backup singer for Bombay Bicycle Club. She has since ventured out on her own and has found success with her unique style of folk-pop. We are sitting at her kitchen table in Brighton, where she resides with her husband, Will. One end of the table is covered in various crafting supplies, which Rose and her two-year-old son, Otis, have been using to create Christmas decorations. At the other end, Rose, who typically presents herself as no-nonsense and humble, is visibly emotional as she shares publicly for the first time about the challenges she faced during the early months of her son’s life.
Rose ended up paying for an MRI using her own funds. The results revealed that she had eight fractures in her back. She admits to feeling a sense of relief upon receiving this information, as it confirmed that she was not imagining her pain. She finally had a valid reason for not being able to fulfill her role as a mother. However, she also realized that she likely had osteoporosis, a condition known for weakening bones, typically found in women after menopause but can also affect new mothers in rare cases. Thanks to a supportive group on Facebook, Rose became more knowledgeable about the illness than her doctors, who resorted to searching the internet during appointments.
She was aware that the initial phase of healing involved ceasing breastfeeding – a potential trigger for the condition known as pregnancy and lactation-associated osteoporosis. However, her son Otis refused to drink from a bottle and trying to feed him with one was upsetting for everyone involved: “I was in tears, my husband was in tears, and even my mother was crying.” The midwives advised Rose to abruptly stop breastfeeding, warning that her son may cry for two days straight. Despite their advice, she gave in after a few hours, not wanting to deprive her child of nourishment, and continued breastfeeding until he was ready for solid food.
Currently, Rose’s bone density remains significantly low – “If I were to fall, it would likely have negative consequences” – however, with the aid of medication (which she had to obtain funding for from her local council, causing additional stress) and hydrotherapy, her life has largely returned to its pre-illness state. She has resumed her passion for music, something she thought she may never be able to do again after being consumed by caregiving and medical responsibilities for so long that the persona of “Lucy Rose” seemed like a distant memory.
However, despite her illness, Rose has channeled her emotions into creating her most dynamic and captivating music yet. Her exceptional fifth album, This Ain’t the Way You Go Out, takes inspiration from a mantra used by her straight-talking hydrotherapist, and features a shift from the sparse and melancholic sound of her previous record to a more hook-filled and intricately layered sound that reflects her raw pain. The lead single, “Could You Help Me,” produced by renowned British producer Kwes (known for his work with artists like Loyle Carner, Tirzah, and Solange), blends frenetic jazz elements with lyrics that express the desperation of her early days dealing with her illness. The title track is equally stunning, with Rose’s crystal-clear voice reflecting on her own struggles and feelings of weakness. The album also includes moments of anger towards the unsympathetic responses of some of her friends, as showcased in the deceptively upbeat “Life’s Too Short.” Rose explains, “It was shocking how little empathy some people showed.”
This Ain’t The Way You Go Out is a deeply personal project, but it was borne of collaboration. In late 2022, the US chart-topping rapper Logic offered to fly Rose to New York to sing on his new album (her vocals have featured on three of his previous records). During breaks she found herself jamming with the other musicians present, and their distinctly un-British zeal began to restore her confidence. “No one was self-deprecating; they were like: ‘We’re rocking this!’ I needed that sort of energy. Then I was like: right, I’m going to record these songs.”
Upon returning to the United Kingdom, she sent a message to Paul Weller. In 2018, she provided backing vocals for his album True Meanings and he had kindly offered her access to his studio. Five years later, she decided to take him up on his offer. Weller was very impressed with the results of their one-day session and encouraged her to use the studio as much as she pleased. Rose expresses her gratitude, saying, “He has been incredibly supportive. On my difficult days, I remind myself that Paul Weller likes me and it gives me some solace.”
The messaging did not come to an end there. Lucy Rose was determined to step out of her comfort zone and have the courage to believe that others wanted to collaborate with her. She set her sights on Kwes, whose number was passed on to her by a friend. However, she was unsure of how to approach him. Should she introduce herself as someone he may know, even though it was unlikely? Or should she simply state her name and background as a musician? The stress of this decision is still evident in her memory. Fortunately, Kwes responded with excitement and she also reached out to engineer Dan Parry (known for working with Adele and Lady Gaga) who was also enthusiastic about working with her. These positive responses made Lucy believe that maybe she wasn’t as bad as she thought she was.
It is not surprising that these individuals eagerly accepted the opportunity to collaborate with Rose, who has received critical acclaim. She believes that her feelings of shock stem from common self-esteem issues faced by female musicians and her transition into motherhood. Despite knowing that she has created a remarkable record and has much to be proud of, Rose admits that she sometimes doubts her relevance, with a voice in her head telling her that she is a washed-up 34-year-old mother making music that no one will want to listen to. The reactions of some of her acquaintances can also affect her, as when she shares her plans to make an album with other parents, their responses are often condescending, making her question her own worth and success. She believes that there is a misconception that if one is not at the top of the charts, they are considered a failure to some extent.
After listening to her narrative, it would be inaccurate to label Rose as pitiful. Despite struggling to even walk, she is now gearing up to perform in London and is excited to fully embrace the unexpectedly upbeat tone of This Ain’t The Way You Go Out. Despite the painful lyrics, Rose shares that the music has lifted her spirits and given her a sense of defiance.
Rose is prepared to move forward despite the recent pain. She underwent therapy to come to terms with her body, which she used to see as feeble and damaged. However, she now recognizes that it is the strongest because it has persevered. She is committed to increasing awareness about this condition so that others do not have to suffer through months of intense pain and self-blame like she did. Rose also has hopes for medical advancements and has provided blood samples to researchers from Edinburgh University who are studying the illness.
However, her greatest source of comfort is her son. Despite the heartbreak she experienced from not being able to care for him when he was a newborn, he has always been her main source of support. She admits, “I don’t mean to sound cheesy, but Otis was my saving grace. He gave me a purpose to keep going every day.” Despite feeling unloved and hating her body, Otis’s unwavering love for her made her feel like she was still his number one priority. Being a mother to him has been the most fulfilling experience of her life, and she wouldn’t hesitate to do it all over again a million times.
-
Lucy Rose’s latest album, titled This Ain’t the Way You Go Out, will be available on Communion Records on April 19th. She will also be performing at London’s Roundhouse on April 25th.
Source: theguardian.com
